Long-time readers of this blog know that I have always preferred safe sex parties over “mixed” ones (where barebacking is allowed) for many reasons. Not the least of them is that I personally find the idea of blowing a guy who just had his cock unprotected inside who-knows-how-many-asses my own personal definition of “ick.” And the idea of having a mouth on my cock that may have just been sucking that cock that was unprotected inside who-knows-how-many asses is rather unappealing to me as well. The “bottom” line being that anytime you allow guys to stick their cocks unprotected into a multitude of asses where they will then, in turn, get blown by a multitude of mouths that will then turn around and blow many more cocks etc, there is no way around it, shit is going to get passed around even to those who are “playing safe,” because they are being exposed orally to what is being passed around anally by the barebackers. I personally have had my fill of having to get shots in the ass after getting something at a “mixed” party so I limit my party-going now only to safe sex parties.

In these days when more and more guys are relying on PrEP to protect them from one disease, while seemingly being perfectly fine with exposing themselves to, and spreading around others such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, genital warts (which may not sound like a big deal, but do you really want to risk getting warts on your cock and asshole?) et al, I find it just as important as ever to protect yourself when engaging with large groups of men where, obviously, the larger the group, the more the risk of exposure is multiplied. STDs are on the rise among gay men, especially Syphilis (a cause of blindness and strokes), and no amount of PrEP is going to protect anyone from that.

So it’s really saddened me of late to see two of the biggest party promoters in NYC decided to move their parties from the “Safe Sex” column to the “Mixed” column. A few weeks ago, a new disclaimer started appearing in the invites for the GBU (Golden Boys USA) parties which include the monthly COLLEGE KEGGER and RUSH parties announcing that barebacking would now be allowed at the parties. This was followed this past week with the host of NYJP (New York Jock Party) adding the same disclaimer to his SXVP party invite, a move that I imagine surprised no one since, a) GBU and NYJP co-host the BOXERS NOR BRIEFS party together and, b) it’s been no secret that the host of NYJP has been turning his head the other way and unofficially allowing barebacking at his parties for quite some time now. But at least now they were “coming clean” so-to-speak and officially acknowledging it.

The host of GBU has labeled this disclaimer as his “Safe Sex Policy,” a rather deceptive title considering there is nothing “safe sex” about it. It either is a safe-sex party or it isn’t. You either allow barebacking or you don’t. There is no grey area here. The new “Safe Sex Policy” reads as follows:

“We strongly encourage the use of condoms (which we provide). If you do have condomless intercourse it is assumed that you are on PreP / Truvada or undetectable. If not, then it’s imperative that you always use condoms especially if your partner asks you to. Please be considerate and respectful of the guys you play with. Remember you can still get other STD’s from going condomless and we strive to provide a safe environment to play in.”

It does not go on to say in what way they “strive to provide a safe environment,” so I’m quite curious as to what they are referring to with that sentence. Because honestly I don’t know how one could “strive to provide a safe environment” and allow their guests to be barebacking at the same time, so if there are some other ways in which they are so diligently “striving,” I’m all ears.

The part of the above statement that I find particularly disingenuous is “If you do have condomless intercourse it is assumed that you are on PreP / Truvada or undetectable.”

“Assumed?” I think if there is one thing we as gay men can agree on it is that a horny man will say ANYTHING to get what he is hungry for at that moment. “I’m on PrEP.” “I’m clean.” “I just got tested.” In horny-man-lingo, “just got tested” can mean eight months and 50 sex partners ago, many of whom he may also have convinced to have unprotected sex with using the same line.

Do you know what I always “assume?” I always assume that the person I’m about to fuck around with has something I don’t want to get and so I take the proper precautions to lower my risk of getting anything from them. And I urge all of you to do the same. The only thing I would “assume” about guys barebacking in the middle of groups of hundreds of men is that they are spreading diseases around the flock.

And I’m sure I’m not the only one, which is why I imagine this new policy may have a bit of a “chilling” effect on how much full-out sex goes on at these parties. As I’ve mentioned many times in previous blog entries, a wonderful by-product of the true safe-sex parties is that there usually is a hell of a lot more sex going on at them then the “Mixed” parties. And that’s because when the group feels protected, they can relax and really go at it and so those parties become full-out orgies in the traditional sense. And don’t you, after all, go to sex parties to have a lot of sex? I have found the vibe at mixed parties to be more tentative with an aura of trepidation surrounding much of the proceedings, so it’s usually harder to get things started, it can feel more stand-off-ish and there is just not as much sex going on than at the safe sex parties. The NYJPs have always had that sort of standoff-ish vibe anyway, so the new policy may not have that much of an affect there, but I suspect it could affect the vibe at GBU over time as more and more guys find themselves getting STDs more often at their parties and start becoming more leery about their encounters there, or even stop going altogether. Perhaps then the hosts will rethink their policy.

If you are one of the many that attend the GBU or NYJP parties and are concerned about the new heightened risk of exposure to STDs you might want to email the hosts and let them know. If you get a disease or infection at one of their parties, I also encourage you to email the hosts and let them know that you got something at one of their parties and would appreciate it if they took more interest in lowering the potential risk of exposure for the guys that attend their parties. For now it appears they are letting the desires of what they say is a small percentage of guests who want to engage in high-risk activity heighten the level of risk of exposure for the whole group. And the only thing that is likely to change that is if the rest of the group speaks up and says “No, I don’t want to be exposed to whatever it is the unprotected guys are spreading around.” Perhaps if they hear from enough of you they will rethink their policy and make their parties safe again.

In the meantime however, if you do go to the GBU or NYJP parties, I highly recommend you refrain from oral sex and stick to mutual jacking and protected anal sex (or protected oral sex, although if you are able to make that work you are a better man than I).

And then there still is another options for the young fit crowd which is, of course PRIVATE PARTY which, thank the safe-sex-party Gods, has a host that continues to be unwavering in his commitment to keeping his parties safe. My hat is off to the host for continuing to fight the good fight, for having a sense of responsibility towards his guests, and for truly enforcing and not budging on his safe-sex policy. If you are a fit man between 18 and 30, or between the ages of 31 and 45 and in exceptionally good shape and you have yet to go to PRIVATE PARTY, I recommend you contact the host now so you have time to get your interview scheduled before the party. (It’s a very selective party so there is a bit of a screening process which makes for a high quality crowd.)